Jennifer Salane (Pronounced Sa-lane-E...pictured above) is a simple case of hatred from over exposure as I had nothing against her before senior year. Call me a hater who's spreading hateration while sipping on Haterade, I don't give a damn. I saw her too much in a short amount of time, so it got annoying. It's like eating pizza everyday for lunch for 9 months straight. It gets tiring and you want a change.
But who is she you ask? Why, she's "an average CP level student" (funny, I thought that was me..oh wait, it was before I got expelled). While I was never friends with her, I've known of her since middle school. She was also the student body president of Spring Valley Highschool for the 2003-2004 school year, and this is where much of this gripe comes from.

I apparently missed this blitzkrieg of a campaign while I was at RNE. Glad I did.

But first let's backtrack to Junior year. The time I had at SV before I went to RNE was great. The pep rallies were off the charts, man. When I went to RNE pep rallies were off the charts in gayness. Whack skits and stupid music for the beautiful cheerleaders to dance to (sorry SV, RNE's cheerleaders were killer) brought down the whole experience. Things were made worse by the lack of participation with the audience. People were sitting down not making any noise because they had no reason to. Sitting down at pep rallies? I thought I entered bizarro world or something.... until I came back to SV senior year. With Salane at the head of things, pep rallies went down the shitter, and I was really looking forward to coming back last year. All I heard from Stephen and my other friends were how "off the chain" the rallies from Junior year were... Stephen told me of one where some dude was in a chicken suit and our friend Mike was dancing with the cheerleaders.

Oh man, and I missed that? Stuff like that, combined with memories of previous years made me antcipate last year even more. But like I said, the rallies got bad when I came back and I point the finger at Jennifer and her lackies. Things were so horrible, not just with pep rallies, I was saying to myself I could've stayed at RNE for this garbage all year. Everything was whack as hell my senior year. Without veering too much off subject, every reason I had for coming back to SV was made whack... probably from Salane's reign as president. If I wanted a whack-ass experience, I really could've stayed at RNE and gotten hot girls out of the experience. The chicks at SV are good, but I noticed last year all the good looking chicks were sophomores.

Sophomores or Freshmen. That made me sick. Isn't that rape or some crap? An 18 year old with a 14 year old lol. Yeah, like I was gonna take my chances on that.
Hot girls in the senior class? Taken already. Yep, I really could've stayed at RNE for this rubbish.

Rubbish like these whack pep rallies I need to high light before the subject of this gripe changes (one of my famous gripes-inside-a-gripe haha).

A picture of the seniors donning the trademark BURGER KING hats during a wonderfully gay pep rally. Okay, so 2 people have spirit. Wow.

The A/V geeks threw together an edited version of the TV Show's opening credits by splicing in footage of Salane and co. "in character" to play on the projection screen in the gym (which might sound fancy, but trust me, it's not). They tried to do a skit or something, but it was poorly acted and the mics weren't working for half of it. The only redeeming thing about this whole cluster fuck was the fact that the whole gym knew the words to the theme song and sang along with it... hell, I even joined in for a few bars. Even before all this garbage we had dress days during the week. Out of the entire student body, I'd say 5% participated. Nobody cares about this crap unless it's "Dress to Impress" so the black guys have excuses to come to school dressed like pimps. For real, I'm not making that up lol. Pimp suits everywhere. Anyways, here are some pictures from the few dress days:

There's Salane's very short partner in crime, Lauren Wall. I'm not sure what this dress day was to tell you the truth. I dunno if it was "Prep Day" or "Nerd Day" haha. I'm laughing so much over here right now because I can't figure this out. She always wore those glasses, so ladies and gents - PaqMan is stumped on this one.

If you dressed up for Nerd day, you were like one of the 20 people who bothered to. What makes this so bad is that most of those people were in student council...

More gay pep rallies followed from the Salane Wrecking Crew like the Spring Sports Assembly/pep rally. First of all, you can't have an assembly and a pep rally and the same time. They are two different things. An assembly is boring and a pep rally is supposed to be fun. Well, both of them were equally shitty so it's a toss up this time. This hybrid pep-assembly wasted (yes WASTED, I'm at school mind you) my time with coaches talking about their tennis and golf teams.

A golf team? No offense to the guys I know on the golf team, but GOLF IN HIGH SCHOOL?! Who funds this rubbish?

Then some chicks in Winter Guard did some crazy shit. But the good thing here, and I think all who were in attendence would agree was that the chicks, with the exception of one overly chubby girl, were hot and in SKIN TIGHT OUTFITS. SWEET ASS!
But everything else blew, and it was a trend through out the year. There's only one person to blame, and that's Jennifer Salane. The president pretty much runs the show (derp) and takes suggestions from her round table of idiots about ideas for pep rallies. Why did everything need a theme? Saved By The Bell, Dukes of Hazzard, and other dumb shit weren't needed because students don't remember that garbage. I remember funny shit like from my 9th grade ones, which didn't have themes. The combined powers of stupidness and the lack of Seniors in the Senior section (All of them with cars dipped) made me one bored man. How hard is it to organize a pep rally? Just play a Lil' Jon song or something rap related (I hate that the majority of students at SV and RNE were black and favored rap. Hey, I'm black too but you don't see me booing rock music. BE OPEN MINDED YOU FOOLS, YOU'RE MISSING GOOD MUSIC!!) promote the football game by having a player destroy the mascot or some shit, have the cheerleaders dance, and let's get the fuck out of here. Don't insert filler and expect me to be entertained.

Another annoying thing about her is that she's in the yearbook on every other page. Through out this gripe I'm sure you've noticed the pictures, and that's just a few of them. And even with the cameos in about every picture, in the senior picture section she has an article written on her with more pictures. You wanna know something else bad? She's pictured SIX TIMES in a two page span. I thought I was done with getting pictures for this gripe and I was closing the book and accidently flipped to a FULL PAGE that her family bought I guess.. just for her. Good God, it's already the Salane Book 2004 edition as it is.

Oh no, don't let Jennifer not show up on a page because her younger sister/body double Paige will.

I already dislike this chick. She's just a freshman and already she's getting too much press. The fact that I don't even know her and I know who her boyfriend is from the random articles in the yearbook is evidence of that.

With all these pictures in the yearbook, it's like Salane had no life outside of Spring Valley. There's no way a person who is at every freaking school activity can have a job. And if she does have one and juggled being president, school, and a job then more power to her.

But get the fuck out my yearbook.

There she is at homecoming. I was in attendence with Stephen and it wasn't that much of shocker that Salane won this. I mean, there were other girls Stephen and I would want as homecoming queen, but with her in the running you knew she'd win because it's fucking Salane, dammit. Here's a quote from the yearbook -

Oh shut up bitch. Who voted for her anyways? Everyone I talked to said not to because she'd win otherwise. I guess the word didn't spread around.

Ugh.

So high school is over now, sadly. No more first day jitters, no more homework, no more cliques, no more shopping for clothes, and most importantly - no more people for me to complain about... new anyways. I still have a backlog of crap to complain about from my rocky high school life, but no more people like Jennifer. I don't know what she had planned for after graduation mostly because I never talked to her. She looks to have a bright future ahead of her, and we all know what that means.

Drugs.

I predict she'll pick up a nasty drug and/or alchohol habit in college or atleast in the next 8 years.

I really feel bad for the people who won't graduate until 2007 because they will have to deal with Jennifer's sister as president and I'm sure atleast one guy will gripe about it like I have today. Oh yeah, if you want copy of Salane Book 2004 edition, send a $50 check payable to:

Spring Valley High School
120 Sparkleberry Lane
Columbia, SC 29229

Or call them to request a copy at (803) 699-3500, supplies are limited so act now.